Almost, it's my favourite word.

Artist:Bowling for Soup

Song: Almost

I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen
Who almost went on to be miss texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes
I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished u would've loved me too

I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I'm destined
to spend my time missing you
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Here I go thinking about all the things I could've done
I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we had our problems I can't remember one

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all up and then I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I'm destined
to spend my time missing you
And I almost had you [x3]

I almost wish you would've loved me too

I'm in a Melachonic mood today, despite the fact this is the new year. The Break Free Dance Party was incidentless ( I might even say boring, but that would be too cruel, at least they had good music) and shallow as it may be it's what's got me down. It's just I had such high hopes that something sheZaZsle might happen that when it didn't I felt so crushed. Ah, well. I still have a whole year to try, and after that well...

I was chatting with glads earlier on, and it made me realise something. It made me just look at myself now, hated by all save the ones who truly know me, a love life as empty as bottle without water and an eternal rager against the machine. It's enough to make me real tired of fighting for myself. I had come to the resignation that my situation might never change, and I can do nothing to improve myself, not alone anyway. I've been on that self destruct course for so long I can even see the end as it may be; me walking away from everything, the quiet way to go. I would disappear quietly, buried under the sands of history. As I've said earlier, This all can be avoided if I would just simply conform, change myself. The keys out of this doomed car dangled just before me, and all I had to do is reach for it.

But I don't want to.
I may be scared. Change is scary after all. It would mean that I would have to change my very essence, to abandon all dignity, all honour and pride just for an easy life. To change meant the death of who I am now. I am so scared, so scared of death. Scared that I would betray what I have stood for all these years, individualism, free thought and equality. Scared of turning my back on everything I have done. Scared of trying to fit in again. Scared of change, very scared indeed.

So don't blame me, I won't reach for those keys. I'll stay in this doomed car, waiting for someone to save me. I'll stay, cause despite the impending danger and the uncomfortable seats, I actually have something solid to hold on to. and the outside is so empty, a null void threathening to swallow me the minute I step out. The only way I can get out of this alive is that someone came to rescue me, but I've waited my whole life but noone's come along; I've given up trying to wait. So I'll stay, after all, having something is better than nothing, no matter how bad that thing is, right?

Right?