I can only move on.

Balto died today. It happened only minutes after I got on the car to rush to him from school. According to the vet, he had died painfully, Kidney faliure that had lead to the slow but eventual build up of toxins in his blood, effectively poisoning him to death. I regret the time I had with him was wasted because of my negligence, my inability to save him. It still hurts, badly. I had spent quite a while on my way home crying for my loss. They say dogs are much alike with their owners, and Balto was no different. Am I am I doomed to share a simmilar fate? Or is it just me overreacting? Death by sickness is a miserable way to die, even more so for a souless being who has nothing for it on the other side, and my heart still pains when I think of how Balto's last few minutes were of pain and agony, agony of not having it's master nearby to comfort it.
good lord, I'm crying again.


Dogs don't have souls, but what if we didn't too? what if the atheist's view was right, and we really only had one go and it all ended upon death? That's why I believe in god, hoping, a praying for some sign that there is something good waiting for all of us on the other side.

I can only move on. praying is pointless, Balto had no soul to pray for. crying all the time will get me nowhere. So I'll suck in my gut and go to the new day, despite the pain, just like I've always done, and will continue to do.

On my way home today I fufilled one of my dreams; Walking through a heavy downpour all the way home. It felt refreshing and it was almost as if it washed away my pain of loss, even though I got the pain of a migrain later (still got a headache, oww.

I'm going to take a nap before taekwondo practice, so I'll stop here.