State of Inactivity, for now at least.

Artist: Snow Patrol
Title: Signal Fire

The perfect words never crossed my mind,
'cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just spin right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out,

There you are standing right in front of me (x2)
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I wont wait forever (x2)

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes,

There you are standing right in front of me (x2)
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

There you are standing right in front of me (x2)
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

No I wont wait forever (x3)

Don't you ever have those days when you just feel so redundant, having nothing to do, nothing to care about (or sometimes nothing you could do even if you did) and not a goal in mind?

me neither. =)

there's always something to worry about everyday, so technically the criteria is never fully fufilled. So why do I still feel so redundant?

It's just that I've recently have had these sad, lonely and faliure induced feelings. It's steming from a sole question that's brought up countless flashbacks; what have I accomplished so far? Doing what I do, being different in general. So far, the only noteworthy things that I feel I have of myself is that I'm a Manga Artist wannabe, Taekwondo junior master, a notch better in most weaponry compared to the average person, a scout, Liberal in thought and speech (very liberal by Malaysian standards), likes theological riddles and pursuits, indifferent in dealing with either sex and annoying but seemingly trustworthy with secrets.
I've tried shooting this all down a specific genre or path but it's all too random to get a fix, just what am I?
I'm an Aaron Lim? sounds easy.

enough about that, back to redundancy. I have these urges to do strange things like just walking home under the rain without an umbrella or raincoat, wander to some far place on foot or bike like Damai, Mount Sinai and Mount Santubong or even Miri (or maybe not even in Malaysia, I wanna do that in a cold climate country, but basically i want to travel like the old days), lie down on a grassy field and just stare up into the sky or retreat to a quiet place where I can sit down numbly and do nothing, and so on so forth. basically these acts might cause people to think I'm insane ( not that they might not already think so), and otherwise completely unachievable if I still want to be accepted in society. ok, screw that, I've NEVER been accepted in society. except maybe a small group of individuals that don't judge me and don't mind and sometimes even come to like just who I am, but even then that small group has gotten even smaller recently. Back to the first topic, I can't really describe it, but these things give me the sense of peace and...
"surrealness" that I long for. This won't cure my loneliness, in fact it might make it worse, but the numb feeling that you can get out of it is amazingly comforting. It's like you're on a cloud, high in the sky, cold, but comfortably quiet and far away from your worries and problems. Maybe I'm just looking for that signal fire that'll bring me out of this limbo state, maybe I'm just looking for something different in my life. But I ought to find someone who'll support me in these ideals, who'd join me, or at the very least be there so i have somewhere to come back to.

I wanna go out, do something out of the ordinary, but currently I have noone who'll help me achieve it. Do I need someone? yes, of course. like I said earlier, I'd love someone to join me in these journeys and challenges of the soul and mind, but more importantly that person is the crutch I will have to lean on in times of difficulty. No doubt, especially after the Wandering bit, I would have lost quite a lot of ties with many people. It would be nice, no, comforting to know there's someone with me or waiting for me when I go back after it all.

But I'm gonna try it. one of these days, maybe after SPM, I'll go on that hike to Mount Santubong. If I can do that, then the other destinations shouldn't be too hard.