skeptical

Something has a hold over me, I know for sure. there is no other explaination as to why I felt so uncomfortable this afternoon.

It happened at project worship, just before lunch. the leaders of empowered asked all the participants to come to the front for a prayer session, and not wanting to be irrated and scolded I walked up myself with the entire group. when the all got themselves, the prayer began. At first it was only ben or Chu, I forget which but one of them began the prayer, and after a while even more joined in an began to sing their praises to god.

As I stood there in the center of the crowd, I began to feel an unusual and extremely uncomfortable feeling sweep over me, and After three minutes I was already trying to find a way to escape the crowds, but I couldn't. peole were blocking me left right and center, and I couldn't bring myself to shove them out of the way because they just seemed so absorbed in their prayers to god; and with every passing second the feeling just got worse and worse, until I found myself gripping my sides in pain and begging god to make the pain stop. by the sixth minute I had nearly lost it and gave in to the demon within, the prayer leader finally ends his prayer. I nearly yelled alleluia and began to make my way back to my seat. I didn't care how everyone kept looking at me thinking I was crazy, I just got back and sat on my seat and cranked up the volume on my music player to try and shake off the feeling. I stared at everything around me but registered nothing, it was like watching a movies being played out, cause the song playing in my music player hardly suited the athmosphere. throughout the entire lunch I was weak, shaking and very easily irritated, I nearly toppled over the entire water container when I got annoyed on how long it was taking. the girl next to me just stared, but I didn't care and left. I left for a lonely corner in the parish office, and I tried to replenish my strength and calm myself, and finally suceeded. but I was still exhausted, and when I rejoined the crowd in the gallery, I was still so tired that I fell asleep on the chair I was sitting on.

This all got me thinking; why was the athmosphere during the prayer so damaging to me? The first thing tht struck me was that probably I was being under the influence of a demon, and being in that prayer made it lose it's hold and it tried to desperately get me out of there, to regain control.

If that is true, the situation is grave indeed. If it is true, then I am the lost one, not the empowered, and vice versa if it isn't.  Or is it?

Why do I feel peace when I listen to Christian songs and taizes? why does the demon not attack me then to try and draw me away from them? the possibility is that they aren't as big of a danger as that prayer to it's control, but then.... the possibilities are many.

never mind, I am too tired to think. I need to clear my mind or I'll never find the answer.