One damn month....

Great, this is one of those Dominoe days, and not the good one either. I've had more crap happening today than any normal day, and it all comes immediately after each other so I'm left reeling from the aftermath.

first off, fireworks went off one period before recess. Sound nice? hardly. It was because of that bang that made me lose my handphone and earphones to boot. How'd it happen? suprise spot check..... I really should have hidden my handphone...and so for notice, don't try calling me on my cell for a month.

On the way home, I'm pelted again by my parents. Apparently, someone (I'm forbidden from saying who) complained to his mother about an idiot from school who keeps telling him to kill, beat up or kick ME. I know this idiot, and let's just say I've had a history of fighting, well bullying was more like it, me bullying him of course.I suppose he's the only Guy I've ever bullied, and because of my problem mentioned before in an earlier post I cannot remember why I do it. All I know is that whenever I see him I feel disgust, contempt and anger. well anyways, my parents are worried sick that he might be a sociopath (although I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, while he's an idiot, he's harmless, except of course his older brother....) and they're asking me to reconcile with him. apologize is more like it. ME! apologize to him?!?

I suppose I should. After all, I've even forgotten why I hate him in the first place, and I've done a hell lot of retribution against him it should definately cover for anything he has done to me. but it's hard, I mean, how can I toss those feelings of hatreds aside against that idiot? humble myself to this undeserving, incompetent, hopeless.... I suppose I'll have to suck in my gut and just do it.

But these aren't the clincher problem oh no.... my dad wants me to be a manipulator. I remember a long time ago I had considered the idea, to control and make use of people and to destroy all who stand between me and sucess in life. But I never liked it, the whole business. I had been the victim of a manipulator once, and I would never want to wish the pain I felt of betrayal and deciet on anyone. I had resolved to be straight as an arrow and keep my feelings honest, never make use or backstab anyone. I thought I could be like Morita Shinobu, free, happy, treating life's problems as a joke and at peace with the world. but apparently it's not possible with this world. and certainly not possible with my dad. He expects me to keep everyone, friend and foe alike and be nice to all of them while carefully constructing and planning each and every one's ruin and destruction should I see fit. It fits logically, know your enemy and know yourself, keep your friends close, and keep your enemies even closer. But it all practically destroys my moral compass. how can I look at my friend, and be planning a way to destroy him?
I suppose I don't have to plan, but my dad has a point; you can trust noone in this world, and friends may one day turn into enemies.

aw, to hell with it. If my dad wants me to be a manipulator of humanity and the world hates free beings so much, I'll give them what they want. I'll do every crooked thing, every dammable thing necessary to reach the top, and I'll show them, I'll show them all just what I'm really capable of.