Being Invisible in 2008

I did it again. I just stood absolutely still in the crowd, and noone knew. they all just walked past me, everyone knew me, but not even my friends noticed me.

It happened before, at a youth dinner. I got tired of trying to talk to people, and I just sat alone on a chair against a wall. I got tired watching everything that was going on, so I just left the room and wandered around the church. What struck me was that noone cared. I had been forgotten by all of them, a power tool left on the bench, useful to get things done, but a bother to carry around. another time that really made me lose faith in the people I had called my friends. at the very first KAYD, I had an asthma attack. I doubled over on my seat, and grabbed my chest to try and fight the pain. My friends were litterally talking all around me, chatting and laughing away, and none of them noticed me in my pain.when pain finally subsided a little, I dug through my bag and found my inhaler.

Those incidents hurt so bad, but it gave me something, a hard lesson. It taught me that I can truly rely on noone, and that to get along with life I must learn to tread over other hearts and destroy the dangers before they even reach me.

Tonight, history repeated itself. I stayed still, hoping someone would notice me, but that hope was dashed outright. they just walked down those stairs, turned the corner, and were gone. That momentary loneliness began to hurt, but I couldn't bring myself to try and walk back into the crowd. No, my pride would not premit me. I walked to the other side of the school, waited till they left and set off for home. The pain wouldn't go away.

I can't blame them, I really AM like a power tool. I'm only good when I'm of use, and any other time I'm just a pain in the ass. But, it's not wrong to hope for something different to happen right? Is it wrong to want someone who'll know when something's wrong with you, someone who cares when I stop functioning, no longer able to help anyone?

Is it wrong to want a real friend?