Begining of something new

haha! I'm in Jakarta! It feels good to be free of all the problems in Kuching.
I actually wanted to post something yesterday, but bad connections at home forced me to delay it. here was what I wanted to post.


"Today was the very first time in the whole year I broke down and really cried myself out. I was just so burdened by everything and my mind was so clouded I couldn't think clearly. I sat in class just staring blankly ahead, unsure of what was going on and what I exactly was looking at. then, when my english period was about to end, I suddenly got up, put everything into my bag and walked out of the class. I didn't care about anything at that moment, but I felt I really needed help. Originally, I wanted to just loiter around, but when I passed the chapel, I suddenly felt compelled to enter.

When I got in, as soon as I genueflected to the altar, I broke down. I felt so desperate and in so much pain I just fell to the ground and cried myself out. And afterwards, I felt so free from the shackles of pain I felt all new.

Today's also the day I leave for Jakarta, and marks the begining of my 10 day holiday there. I want to forget about Malaysia, all about Kuching and just let myself go free. I really hope my trip there will be meaningful and life-changing. I really do."



And we come to today, the day after I arrived. The apartment my dad has in Jakarta was quite small, but not uncomfortable at all. But something my dad brought up while I was in the car headed to his apartment disturbs me; the notion of abadoning Kuching altogether and live in Jakarta. I may not enjoy Kuching life, but I'm also bad at change. I can't adapt very well to new environments and good examples of that was my early years in SMB St Joseph. And, to escape from Kuching with so much unresolved, it would make me a coward. I will not let myself run from my problems. I will stand and face them, no matter how bad the concequences. My dad calls that being a dead hero. But hey, at least you are a hero.