Random thought.

I like to sing!

....I donno what brought that on... heh, I guess being around people who enjoy it must be influencing me too.
but the crappy thing? I'm too afraid to do it. ALSO being around people who just like to see me depressed, discouraged and who just shoot me down when I sing with almost unhelpful critisisms* (not sure if I spelt that right)* such as :"No wonder it started raining", "stop lah u!" or even just the simple "U suck at singing, just stop." Guess it's true peer pressure can kill, it's really snuffed out any life that was in my interest of singing.

Guess I oughta confess,...... I want a girlfriend. I see couples having fun together, going out, holding hands, and I tell ya, I actually feel kinda envious. I wonder, what would it be like, to have someone I could really trust and love, someone who is down to earth, funny, intellectual, loyal, pretty( she doesn't have to be beautiful or hot), cute, thoughtful and most importantly, someone who'd care about me and love me too.

There's only three problems with that whole statement; one, I'm labelled by society as wierd, so that's slimmed down my chances of getting one. two, that kind of a girl doesn't seem to exist in Kuching city. three, being in an all boys school and having problem one, I haven't actually engaged in many conversations with girls in over four years, and with that kinda time makes engaging in convestaions with them feel like I'm communicating to aliens for the first time.
sigh.... Now with all those obstacles in the way, problem number one being the biggest challenge because according to a friend of mine, girls generally " are not really open minded although they'd never admit it, and unlike me who'd judge you after I get to know you, girls would instead base you on their friends opinions and critisizms, and if you're already being blacklisted by the public, odds are they'd just believe and swim with it. Well, that's usually for Malaysian girls." I seriously don't want to believe that, but it's starting to ring truth.

One might say at this point, "why do I even bother, if they're so depent of the opinions of others rather than get to know me themselves, isn't it just proof she ain't the one for me?" That is a true statement for most cases, but then again I have to bring to light that they are merely following observing the saying "prevention is better than cure," I mean, if he's already considered that bad a person, why take the risk in getting to know him? But, it's this kind of thinking that'll ultimately alienate from humanity itself. And no, one shouldn't give up the search for love, cause there's bound to be SOMEONE who fits the bill eventually. I dunno why, but somewhere in my mind something wants me to quote a good saying "women shouldn't know how men really feel, cause if they do they'd know how much we really need them." ????? now why the hell did this quote come up?


Bah, what am I blabbering about? *reads from begining* lol, to think this all sprung from the statemant "I like to sing!"

It's getting late, till next time then.