TYT's birthday practice

This whole weekend I've been practicing for our WTF's performance for the TYT's Birthday, and I feel just absolutely..... fine?

I dunno, I may not always act it, but I tend to always feel happy when I join activities where I can have a degree of freedom to overshoot. If it's too stiff, I soften it up, too free, I'm become strict. I seen to have this inert desire to go against ANY flow, going against the majority's opinion for I dunno what good reason. The leader of the practices, or two leaders to be exact, one being the commentator and coordinator who is a man who thinks himself amusing, which he is, and the other leader, (the one I annoy because I've yet to annoy the coordinator himself) is a girl Taekwondo instructor who seems to have a problem understanding that being referred to as sir doesn't mean she's a rank higher than Ma'am. Needless to say, I just couldn't resist pointing it out or wondering out aloud just so everyone'll hear me.

But, these nights I have trouble sleeping, and because it doesn't concern exams I disregarded it at first, but now since I've got time I'll just let it out; I'm actually getting tired with life.

I feel so weak and useless even considering it for even a second, to leave all my worries and wander the streets living on simple things, or failing that commit suicide. I know the latter option is a one way trip to hell, and the other is absolutely unacceptable in society, but the first option didn't sound so bad. To live against the elements, only fufilling my basic needs in life and wandering the world sounds, well, free. NO wait, *shakes head* no no forget it, it's not worth the risk and shame.

Anyways, on the lighter side of the mind, I'm headed to Jakarta again on 13th november, and coming back 6th december to prepare for my district camp. As expected, my dad has gone ahead and prepared a host of kompasus related activities to "train me to be a better man." Sigh. On the bright side of THAT, I get to train my marksmanship with guns and learn even more ways to kill a person. whoope.