Wish upon a star

I still have feelings for you.

Funny how it all works; by rejecting me, you only prove how wonderful a human being you are. And how horrible that the right thing to do was to walk away.

I wished I did. I wished I made it clean for you. Instead, I found myself unwilling to follow my own advice, and it soured what was wonderful in our eyes.

I regret my mistakes. I regret I didn't meet you sooner, though what difference it might have made is debatable; I was after all, still loyal to my own at the time.

I regret my foolishness, I regret my lack of self control. If I could turn back time, I'd take myself out of that first meeting, those few curious questions of book choice that led to more than we both expected. It would have saved you pain.

I curse the fact my heart soared for such a despicable thing. It began as a way for me to put you out of my mind, such a simple thing, text on screen with no hope for a reply. But there was a response. And my heart skipped a beat. Such a cursed feeling, to feel joy when another goes through a break.

It seems I speak my own valediction.

I meant the words I said to you all those months ago. I mean them even as I say them now. And I hate myself for it. A mind in constant conflict on what best to do with what I WANT to do.

I don't want to be the vulture that swoops down on the dead carcass of a relationship. It's why I hold back.
Yet those words we said to each other, that small glimmer of hope... It taunts me, teases at the small possibility... that you still want me too.

I still have feelings for you. And I'm scared to call it love.

Frightened of what it might mean if it is rebuffed. Frightened of what it might mean if it's real.

I still have feelings for you.
I hope you have feelings for me too.