The impulse to write has always been accompanied by extreme emotion for me; never a good emotion though. Had such been emotion been positive I wouldn't delve in here to drown in another vain attempt in justifying my interest for writing. I'd be out there, savoring the good times or weathering through bad ones. But when that weather gets too rough, when it seems the world conspires to throw at me a massive shitstorm caused by the downward thrust of multiple fart propelled fat guys on their vain attempt to reach the moon, I come here. I come here to get a breath of fresh air, discard the corroding gas masks and more importantly, think.
Think again, and let the others back out.
Perhaps they have something to say.
I'll let you guess lad, why you're in the hole again this time.
That's right, should've listened to your old boy from the start eh? maybe you wouldn't be like this, all damaged and hurt, grasping out for that loving hand that isn't there, finding yourself dangerously over the line into one sided loves. Oh don't give me that, if you really believed she still loved you you wouldn't be here would you?
You wouldn't be here, caving into doubt and fear. You wouldn't be here, wishing for god that she'd respond, give you back a lifeline, not LEAVE YOU TO FUCKING ROT. That's what she's doing you know; cutting off the bad meat, cause that's what you are. You serve her no further benefits, no future joint benefits, so she's eliminating the liability.
OR IS SHE?
Haha you're so fun to toy with. Maybe she does love you, but she's trying not to? What then? Maybe this is all just her trying to get you to change, and once you're all done and ready she'll be back in your arms neat as you please? Scare you into changing for her cause there's literally no other way to get your own lazy arse to ever kick into high gear?
HAHAHA
You're fucking funny you know that? Mr.Charge first worry about it later's now caving back into doubt, all scared and sad he'll lose the love of his life? You're more predictable than the grey rabble you despise.
Well guess what, it's a one sided game now boy; cards are stacked high against you. she may ever love you again, everything you did for her would be wasted and ruined. And all for what? a sudden loss in temper? Your FUCKING NOSE? I mean c'mon, she's playing with you! Fucked up excuses and dirty lies! She took off again the moment her sexual desire was satisfied! Don't give me none of that logical bullcrap, you know as well as I that was how you felt about it; You and I are, after all, the same guy.
Reason has no place here, it's emotions for emotions, and right now she's playing you for the fool! Cut her off and be done with it.
No?
Why?
Loyalty?
Love?
Attachment?
Weakness?
Sigh, you never should have fallen for her you know. You knew the risks, you knew this was gonna be a hard struggle from the start. Not being able to see her regularly's been eating into your mind too boy, I can see the strains on your sanity being without the only anchor to have ever held meaning.
I know what you want to do boy, I'm just telling you it's a wasted effort. There is no sense in fighting for this anymore.
But you gotta try don't you? Mind at least telling me why?
Ah, love. You said you wouldn't leave no matter how rough things got.
You do know that by this month's end you probably might be the only one left holding that candle to the darkness? Not that it'd matter to you huh, you'd keep trying until you know for sure the love's really gone. You'll see this to the end lad, you'd fight until you've got no fight left in you; cause laying down and accepting fate is for wussies.
That's the warrior I know.
Never really mattered how weak you looked on the outside,
Never mattered how badly you lost to the eyes of everyone else.
You carried the fight of heroes within. That's what matters.
Go and fight your fight lad,
we both know there's only one outcome you'd really accept anyway.
Just never forget us.
Never forget we exist,
never forget what makes who you are.
change may find it's way but your core will always,
always,
remain the same.
