Hello thar

It's been a while Sam. Every time I see you you're always someone different. Not that moody SOAB from last year, certainly not the naive fool from high school. What mask do you wear now? Or have I caught you finally without a mask on?

That content happy go lucky fuck I see walking around these days sure seems a far cry from the over analogical hard head I've known to burn bridges and bury hopes. Certainly not Mr I don't give a fuck anymore; you can't afford that now you have someone you care about. Was there ever a real you? Jo likes to think so, maybe you should put a little more faith in that.

Jo. Heh. She's a volatile one that she is, with her recent near loss of sanity. Oh hey, I notice you actually cringing to that. What, you gonna fight me over that Sam? Gonna put those up for your girl? Chivalric bastard. Bet she likes that. Oh I see, you're afraid. Not used to putting so much faith in love into someone that speaks of suicide one second and saying she loves you in the next? Good. That's the chaos you've been craving for all this time after all.

The unpredictability. The unknown. That's what kept you interested in this sordid world to begin with. never truly knowing what would happen next. Sure Prim's taught you all the tricks to bending people to doing what you want, but he never took away the unpredictability. So what if you knew which buttons to press? Doesn't mean you can't like what you're doing. Gives you that feeling of being in control in a sea of madness, gives you that control over the helm of the ship to god knows where on the winds of fuck do I care. It's awesome, I can relate, that feeling you must be reveling in, to be in complete control over your choices in life and how you could smash your way against the waves if you so desired.

So where to now captain? Ain't got a direction? Well sucks to be you. Got people riding that majestic ship of freedom of yours, can't exactly let that sink now can we?

And amidst all the uncertainty that you so very much "love", you can't stop missing her can you? A craving for completion. Safety.
So what happens 70 years down the road, barring you survive that long, if she dies before you? Can you handle it? You fear that too don't you? Pain from over attachment. You know it's inevitable.

So who are you? Now lost in the very seas you set sail for that very purpose. Oh? What this? Conviction? Happiness? Love? You have these anchors? They're enough for you?

Hmm. I dunno. Seems all rather foolhardy to be throwing it all in for those. But you know, I'm a little proud of you. Never expected you to get to this apex in the first place little Fei Hoong.

Maybe there's something in this new you after all. As for the many other yous you've tried to kill? I still see them behind you. Not dragging you down or anything, not all the time at least.

Perhaps they've all had a hand in making this new fucktard I see before me. Seeing as you've failed to kill them up to now, I see no harm in letting them linger around.

Who knows, they might even make you a better person.