I'm happy. I really am. My life now has almost everything I could hope for; Friends within proximity, Jo, an absence of fear and loneliness...
Except maybe the lack of fear for the exams. Or the imminent and problematic future. And the more immediate "everything as I know it will change" event in full swing.
Feels like form 5 all over again. Another massive abyss ahead, and I've no clue what truly lies beyond anymore.
Will things happen again as they did here? Am I walking into another trap set by ignorance and obtuseness? Where the fuck is Admiral Ackbar and his status update?
I'm not scared. That's a pretty troublesome problem. I fear none of this, a numb dissociation with all these very real life changing events wraps itself around my head.
No motivation, no realization, the sudden jerk of OH FUCK EXAMS TOMORROW WHY AM I STILL AWAKE.
I dunno. I'm just out of it tonight. So I triple dose on coffee, and study up any remaining notes.
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