A post from a couple of days ago, put now.

"2.a.m. It's raining, Waves are crashing on the shore, Singing song to song alone, I realize something. I really miss my singing partner. Sigh.

Btw, new's update; I'm on Damai beach with family on some cheapo vacation my mom planned. Rain had only kicked up at night, But when I had gotten here this afternoon the beach was already flagged red, and a while later closed off against the impending storm. That deprived me of any joy to be reaped from the usual beach activities like running madly into waves and making sandcastles, and if that wasn't bad enough I had the misfortune of being deprived of both internet and decent company. Not that it was all bad; had a little cousin to game with, but he'd gone to sleep somewhere close to 12.

Yeah, that's right; I've gamed my entire trip here away. Proves to you just how terribly boring this situation was to me. So come the stroke of midnight, and now I'm just, here. Right here sitting on this chair under some shade, staring out into the infinite darkness of what lies beyond the ocean, and well, singing. "Fly Me to the Moon", "Crazy Thing About Love", and
"Let it Be" were just some of the songs that came up on my ipod's shuffle list. And then, "Last Thing on My Mind" hit the list.

It, reminded me of things; Things I had lost, things I had cut off when I found it spreading rot. Sure, the removal was necessary, but even then one would still miss something that you had shared good memories with. And so I was reminded of a staircase, me and my friend sitting down, and we're just messing with the people who go by and singing the night away. It was a passtime I cherished a lot with this friend, but things happened and everything spiraled out of control. Now this friend is the cause of all the rifts in my brotherhood, and as always, I made sure to cut all ties to prevent further harm. Despite all that, I can't stop myself from missing those good times, because all that shyt aside those times were fun, uncontaminated, and so fondly cherished."

A post from a couple of days ago, put now. I'm not really able to access the internet much here in Kuching, and back in KL I rarely get either the inspiration of the mood to write. Well, that night I had it. And tonight, this sleepless night, I have it again.

You know, it's nights like these, these empty times to myself when sleep eludes me, that my old self creeps back, along with the emotions and dark thoughts that go with him. And no matter how much I try, I can never seem to kill him enough so he'd stay dead. Like some spectre that haunts me and me alone, he come around from time tot time bringing back memories and the feelings that come with them, all feelings that I wanted dead and gone. But, try as I might, I can't beat it, so I have no other choice but to bear with this depressing nostalgic feeling that washes over me from time to time.

Maybe it's the music, maybe it's the enforced loneliness. Maybe it's cause I'm used to having someone around every night, someone I can always chat just go and chill with. Now with so much time alone, the unavoidable act of reminiscing just brings all the memories flowing back. Not a healthy thing to do when one has no outlet for such negative thoughts.

Heh, I can almost imagine Goh advising me to just jack off and forget about it.