Endless failure.

I was never really good at resisting temptation on my own. I should've known better than to ever make that promise to god. Maybe I wouldn't have had such a fucked up life.

Today already hits off with a sense of self disgust and despair, it's like I expect everything that can go wrong to go wrong. And it pretty much has so far.

It wouldn't really be considered that great a sin, in my view anyway, had I never sworn that I would stop. It's a dangerous thing, a promise to god is the equivalent of striking an ultimatum with the one most high that I would achieve or do something pertaining to my own set conditions. Not that he should follow my own decree, rather it is a promise a son makes to his father that he would swear off something forever.

And I keep breaking that promise. To make matters worse I had also said it was okay for
him to let me be punished every time I fall. Smart move that was.

From a pious man's view that would be a good thing, I am regulated by a self imposed rule and there is punishment for every transgression, but that's the problem right there; I can't stop transgressing.

Not to say it's impossible, but it's hard, fucking hard. To say more would reveal too much, So I shall continue to keep reference to it as the ultimatum. Sounds more awesome anyway.

Well, doesn't the hunger pangs catch on fast. I wonder if it's a smart idea to forgo lunch. Ah fuck it all, It's my own fault for overspending on the first week.