How to care for your object of hatred.

I'm really at my wits end with my family, I really don't feel a part of it at all... the mother father and sister bit at least.

My sister feels the most alien. she's all I hate in the world rolled up and stored into a girl's body. There is not a single day she does not give me a reason to hate her, except when we're not together and she's really, really far away.

I can never seem to remember why I hate people, it's like my mind erases those bad happenings. But the feelings of hate remain hard and strong, and she has acumulated So, soo much that I would have slotted her if it wasn't for the fact she was my sister.

well, at least that's what I feel like doing. But then again, I probably wouldn't do it, I'm too soft a guy at heart.

Still, if I ever hope to be reconciled with my parents, I have to bring myself to accept and love her as my sister. But it's hard, sooo hard.

Almost like being ordered to carry hot coals with your bare hands. It's a must, so I have to do it. But the hot coals burn you every time your hands come close.

Hah...my dad was no different during his time, but maybe that's why he wants me to reconcile with her so badly.