Trying too hard for the wrong things.

Yeah, what the title says. I have my major finals in a couple of weeks. All over Malaysia, there are probably hundreds of students my age studying like they didn't know how to do anything else. Yet here I am, relatively relaxed, chasing things that don't want to be caught.

I know just how sad it is to know someone's intentionally avoiding me, and I've not the slightest idea why. ok maybe not, perhaps I have a guess. Screw it I always have assumptions, annoying overthinking brain. But I don't even want to go through them, this is just something.... well.... I'm not sure what is this.

I know it's emotion, some bizarre plethora of confusion, anguish and baseless hope that just hazes up my mind. Like a curtain of pure despair covering me, it stems from, a dashed hope? A lost cause, no. A lost friend. Connections that once were now severed. Yeah, that sounds about right.

No matter. No emotion lasts beyond a day anyway. I wake up numbed from everything everyday anyway. So why bother. It is but a temporary blossom of feelings, doomed to wither and return to dust overnight.


Blah, snapping out of the dramatic rhetoric. Like any of this wannabe poetic crap's worth a piece of jack anyway. I can spew all the crap I want here, it doesn't change reality. I'm just using this as a coping mechanism, I gotta bitch to something. Heck, why do you think those legendary hermits with all those super secrets to life and shit went up to the hills as they did? so they could shout their secrets to the stones till someone "worthy" showed up so they could spill the secret to them. I'm doing the same thing. By typing. And posting it all online. But it's not like anyone's even reading this anyway. Heck this is probably one of the only few pages online that's almost never viewed.

I got to go. Four more days to Dday. Drum rolls. The lights go on. Horatio puts on his sunglasses. The white gorilla stands sledgehammer ready. And I just keep playing my games because I'm too numb to care.