Few days earlier I had sent my dad off to Jakarta again, and before he left he gave me a good soul flaying. finally cornering me on my rude behaviour , he then took me apart piece by piece. I never expected him of all people to know me so well, so accurate in pin pointing all my problems, faults and pains. I couldn't even fight back, it was just too staggering. Somehow I resent and respect his ability to see through me; It makes me feel insecure.
My friends was one of the points he had touched, and that one really sailed on home wih me; I had no truly close friend. I don't mean as in pals I can feel comfortable with, he said a true friend that would literally give me a shoulder to cry on, someone who'd stick out his neck out for me and stand by me no matter what. I looked at all of my friends, and I realize; I don't fully trust even one. I suspect they'd only mock my weaknesses, and then continue to sprinkle even more salt on my wounds. But when by a slip of toungue I reveal one, the walls I build up around me may sometimes not suffice to prevent pain; so I must build them higher.
It may be some tme before I write again, I blame the unstable connections at home. sigh.
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