ER09. The most eventful event I've had in Kuching thus far.

Er09 was surprisingly refreshing, really a break from tradition. I was on the working team, YES I know it's hypocritical, I've been bad mouthing them since I started this damm blog. But I've concluded that it wasn't my place to question their prayer methods, and just because SOME of the crew are assholes doesn't mean the entire group will suck cock. I even Managed take a photos, one of my ministry, another me manning a cool gun thingy, in other words the pic you see on this post's head.

On the last day of ER09 however, being today, A very scary thing happened to me. Standing well behind the large raving crowd in front of the main stage, I began to notice people dropping like flies in during the worship session led by an indian speaker. I watched as them on the ground praising god in an unintelligible language, speaking in tongues they called it, and suddenly felt a want for that connection with god. I was jealous of them, being able to be so carefree about their eventual deaths and troubled lives, whereas I nearly cry my eyes off when the fear of death strikes me. So I'd thought I'd give it a shot.

At first it was just sitting and singing. Then I stood up with the congregation. Unsatisfied that I was not experiencing anything extrodinary, I tried to imitate them completely, by lifting my hands too in prayer. Staring up into the light of the ceiling lamps, I felt empty and cold, and I asked desperately for a sign that God existed, cause I was teetering on the edge of Atheism. And it happened.
A strange feeling swept over my body, and I felt extremely weak. struggling to stand cause it would hurt very badly to either fall backwards with a chair in the way or forwards onto a raised platform, my jaw dropped open when the speaker hit me with a statement, something like "at least one young man in this room is hesitant to join the priesthood. God is now opening the vocation for you, step into it and serve god." I broke into tears collapsed into a kneel and let myself rest upon a raised platform, crying like I'd just lost something precious. I thought I had in a way; it seemed that God had me set for a life of prayer and singledom. So I prayed, prayed like I just learned how for god to let me get off his chosen path, and give me a different one, Something else, ANYTHING other than ordained priesthood. After a while, it was all over, but I still couldn't find the strength to stand. one of the working team came to help me up after seeing me struggling hard to get back up on my feet, and put me on the chair at the far end of the hall. after regaining enough of my strength, I staggered back into the servants lounge and let myself drift off to sleep, waking up half an hour later.( couldn't let myself rest too long, still had work to do)

The reason why I was so hit up by the priesthood thing was because I have been constantly asked by my mom to join it, I seem to do my best at fields which concern it, and most upsettingly I'm still single. I don't know if you think it so, but to me that indian speaker nailed that line direct on target. But the life of a priest to me was terrible, and it went against all the wishes and dreams I had about my future; basically living a happy life of a married man.

I know for a fact that if I tried to strike out on my own from the path god may have laid out for me, I'd end up a miserable man, so I prayed for a deviation; Another path that he'd sanction so I could continue to go down the path to happiness WITHOUT becoming one of the "spiritual fathers."

Well apart from that there were many things that happened too that I will not mention here. Harhgh*, I'm getting all worried again, and I'm also becoming too tired to think (I have 3 days of straight work, sleeping late and a session of vigourous Taekwondo to thank.)I'll think I'll stop now.